Thursday, May 7, 2015

More Motherly Antics

My best friend also forwarded me this follow-up email I sent her a few days later.  

Dear Jerry,

You always make me feel so much better.  As a means of keeping a log of my mother's antics, I will note here what she has done since my last email.  Feel free to skip the next few paragraphs.

Yesterday she called me three times between 8:30pm and 11:30pm.  Her last message was that she was afraid I was dead in a ditch somewhere and that I needed to return her calls.  I called her back, pretending to have been asleep (I was watching The Colbert Report), and told her not to worry so that she wouldn't call again and actually wake me up.  I had been trying to wean her from the daily calls.  She sounded so offended when I asked why she was calling at 11:30 at night and what terrible thing had happened that I thought I'd get a break for at least a couple of days.  Then she called today.  Apparently she had been trying to call me repeatedly but had ditched her cell phone (she says her fingers aren't strong enough to turn it off) for a new flip phone and had been getting my number wrong.

She said she thinks she has MS, and when I mentioned that that was one of the two diseases she said the doctor had ruled out, she said, "Oh yeah," but that the doctor wanted to do an MRI just in case.  She said she went to the eye doctor and said she has the beginning signs that she will someday probably get cataracts.  

She went to the VA hospital and talked to a quadriplegic woman about discounts on hotels in Cleveland (I doubt I have all the details on this visit).  I didn't tell her I already have reservations because I didn't want her asking where I'll be, whether I'm sleeping with my fiance, or if she can stay with me.  If she asks, I will tell her a different hotel.  The same woman also told her various charities to call where she can beg them to pay her debts.  I somehow doubt they will oblige.

She lost her wedding/engagement ring.  She said it was 35 years old and probably not worth anything anymore anyway.  I explained that diamonds and gold don't work that way.  

She told me that she has fallen down 40 times in the last month.  Once was when she 'broke' her nose.  She mentioned today that she had lain in the front yard screaming but no one had noticed, so she had pulled herself to her car and called 911 -- an ambulance and firetruck came.  Earlier this week, she fell in her parents' yard and screamed and the workmen in the next yard didn't do anything, and her father claimed he thought the sound was just a bird.  When he saw it was her, he told her he'd call her brother to come help her.  She told him he should call an ambulance instead so they know where the house is in case they need an ambulance later and it is hard to find the front door.  He called her brother.

She said today that she visited another possible wedding venue (we have the church already reserved but they made the mistake of not requiring a down payment), and she claimed she forgot the price.  She loved the place.  She said the woman who runs it will send me pictures.  I told her I wanted prices.  She said it's immaterial because she will pay for everything with all the money they are getting.

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